Hi there. I’m glad you’re here. You, yes you, the one who clicked the link to this post because it said single and you thought “oh great, another person to tell me to wait on Jesus and enjoy being single”. Friend, I have been there. Ok fine, I am there.
Not to try and get pity or outdo your loneliness, let me give you a glimpse of where I am. I am (almost) 23. I’m in a small group of six college girls and one awesome leader you all know as Katie. Katie is married. Two of our group are engaged. Two in serious relationships (like talking engagement). And then there’s me and my comrade in arms, holding down the single girl fort. I am the youngest grandchild in my family. Oh and the only one unmarried as my grandmother loves to point out. So while I would hate to claim I’ve heard it all, I will go out on a limb and tell you that I’ve probably heard most of it. Because every day, I am single. And some days, painfully so. You know those days, when you’re catching up with an old friend who asks “So. Any boys??” and you have to tell them multiple times that, no, there are no prospects, and no, you are not lying.
And if you have been single very long, you’ve probably noticed that we’re heading into the holiday season. Your sweet aunt is going to be asking if you’re seeing anyone. All your friends are going ice skating with their boyfriends and, of course, taking beautiful pictures bundled up with hot chocolate. So can I be real for a minute? Don’t get me wrong, I love the holidays and all they entail, but for single me, it always brings at least a twinge of dread.
Can I enter into this hurt with you today? Dear friend, I don’t want to just tell you to find contentment in singleness. Because singleness can hurt. It can feel like rejection, not measuring up, and so many other things. It can feel like missing out. But I believe these lies are something that the enemy can use during this wonderful holiday season to drive a wedge between you and your friends, your family, and even your Jesus. This holiday season culminates in a celebration of Jesus coming to you in what feels like an unworthy mess and becoming human, entering our world and our pain. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians that it is better to remain unmarried because then your affections can be fully focused on Christ.
An unmarried woman is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.” 1 Corinthians 7:34
So I would urge you, as move into this holiday season, bring that hurt to Jesus. Bring any of that bitterness or sadness to Jesus and let it bring you closer to him. And, I’m almost sorry to type this, Jesus has something for this season of singleness. Even if it is just blogging your heart out to lots of other single girls 🙂
And oh does he love to step into your mess. In this mess of loneliness and frustration, Jesus stoops down and whispers his love. Whispers that you are completely worth his coming into our world. Our father has promised us EVERY good and perfect gift.
He is not keeping some mysterious perfect boyfriend from you.
Trust in his goodness and let him show you the gifts he has placed in your life for this season. The wonderful friends. The imperfectly family. Even the break from school. Don’t let this singleness blind you to the grace of the season. Again, I’ve been there. Enjoy getting to see relatives, not hiding from uncomfortable conversations. Because you are so loved. More than you can imagine. And you are wanted so much that Jesus gave his life for you. So with that, let me leave you with some concrete, Jesus-focused breaths of life. Because we all need more of those.
When being single feels awkward or embarrassing:
Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. (Psalm 34:4)
When we want to worry away our days stuck in our own singleness or loneliness:
So teach us to number our days, that we may get a heart of wisdom. (Psalm 90:12)
When it just feels sad and like an unending season of hurt:
I have said these things to you, that in me you might have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world. (John 16:33).
When we put aside our frustration with singleness to gaze upon Jesus:
You have said “Seek my face.” My heart says to you “Your face, Lord, do I seek”… I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. (Psalm 27:8,13)