Dragging through Easter

Am I a fake? That’s how I feel today — a fake. Writing out of my strength. Living out of my strength. And not from a deep reservoir of time with Jesus.

But what is grace? What does it mean to be a Christian? Does it mean that in seasons of drought I can’t minister? In seasons of drought I’m no good? no, no, no.

In seasons of drought I know that Jesus is running after me. He’s hard in pursuit. When I sit long enough with Him, He tells me that. He tells me that I can surrender and trust Him with my fakeness. That He’ll transform it into light and life for me and for others. There’s no fake that He can’t love. There’s no fake that He can’t make flesh and blood.

There’s no fake that He can’t love.
There’s no fake that He can’t make flesh and blood.

Easter came and passed me over – no real thankfulness in my heart. A dull thump. That’s all it did to wake me from my numbness to Him. I thanked Him. I praised Him. I said and did and my thoughts wandered in Church. This year the reality of Christ alive from the grave did not sing me awake in the morning. It did not douse me in cold water at Church. It did not cause me to hug strangers and smile joy into their hearts. This Easter Sunday it felt like Christ was still in the grave.

But thank goodness, Easter is not just one Sunday where we look good, sit through a sermon, and enjoy deviled eggs that afternoon. Thank goodness that Easter is not based on my joy, the merit of my faith, or my performance — it’s not about me at all. Thank goodness that Jesus did not wait for me to believe before He rose up from the dead. That Easter goes on and God can wake me alive to its reality any day. That today Easter can be my Reality.

So if you were like me – going through a week, a month, a day— however long your season of drought may have lasted and Easter slipped by unnoticed by your soul; won’t you join me today in drawing close? Will you join me in sitting before Him? What we really want is Him. What we really need is to let Him love us through and through. So join me desperate for His realness. Today let’s celebrate Easter and believe in Christ risen – flesh and blood alive from the grave.

What we really want is Him.
What we really need is to let Him love us through and through.

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